my head is spinning. i'm a little high, high on anger and ignorance.
you really do a lot to me and i don't know how to handle it all.
you make me so fucking angry, but yet you make me fall in love with you.
i hate the way you handle things and in the same breath i like it.

wow, i'm a little more fucked than i thought i was.

i think i need you to make the effort, my lovely.
i'm done with that.
the invitation is at your door now and you will choose what to do with it.
i will be waiting for the 8th of January.
i won't remind you.
i want you to remind me that you're coming.
we havn't spoken in a while and i don't think you miss me half as much as i miss you.
that is a fucking fact.

cheats.

you're so fucking empty that it makes me sick. do you have no heart at all? do you think that i'm dancing and singing because you're married? what the fuck.

right now, i don't even want to be your girlfriend anymore. That's how much i hate it right now. Hate it to be in this position with you. i wish so hard that you would just open your fucking eyes.

but you propably wouldn't and you will propably continue taking me for granted.

go fuck yourself.

the bottle.

what a crazy fucking night.

found some things i never would have imagined to find.

i love this.

ahh :)

relationship mess.

now all i can think about is you. why do you have to be so damn difficult?
you're so easy going, it's ridicilous, wow.

i get so effing frustrated with you and you're problems. what about me? i'm too generous to even think about myself and about what i need and why? because i want to make you a happy girl.

that's bullshit.

everytime i'm so ready to leave you, you convince me otherwise. every single time. i say to myself:"okay, i'm going to leave you today. today is the damn day" then i see and everything changes. you have this uncontrolable hold over me and i can't cut you loose.

pretty girls and their bagage shit. drives me insane. you're so damn incosiderate, but yet i crave that inconsideration just because it's you that i want. now i'm the one that is being ridicolous. if you had to read this you'd propably think that your girlfriend is a phsycho. truth is, i just like you a little too much.

back down a little.

life of a  gay teen, it's damn messy.

you're looking very shane today.

nevermind the fact that you are from The L Word. you my dear, you are sensationally hot.

damn.

you can wear boy jockeys and still look fucking sexy in them. you make men look bad in jockeys, shane. well, a boy in a jockey would utterly disgust me anyway since i don't really bat for that team.

i want to have your lifestlye.

ninja.

i lack when it comes to that team, i shouldn't and i know it.

i don't want to just be an average joe hockey player.

perfect practise makes perfect.

oh girl, you're killing me.

closely evaluating

the charm in you

as your smile

gives me a warm embrace

free falling

to reach the intensity

we have found
surrender the want
and give us what we need.

You dont hav any flaws
and every inch of you is wanted
a silent touch at night

oh girl, you're killing me

but baby i think you are darn pretty

ur craving for that cigarette
keeps you sain
why do we all play this dangerous game?
i don't believe in roman gods, because
someday i'll meet you straight up that path.

there are so many things in life that we can learn from.
the things we see and most propably always do.
we just don't have the eye to see the lesson in everything we do, i urge you to look deeper.

look deeper within yourself and open your mind to the world. not to the things of the world, but to the world in whole.

be mezmirised by how the nature takes it's course through the living and the dead.

now we want to say there is no such thing as a God. okay, then go and be your own God. lets see how far you get.

strike one:
you've fallen, eager to get back up and prove everyone wrong.

strike two:
you've taken a blow to the ribs and you're mouth is bleeding frantically. you're sub-concious mind is praying out loud, but you refuse to hear it. "ignore the sounds and move on" you tell yourself.

strike three:
you're knees are leveled with grounds. you struggle to keep sight on those who are precious to you, you try and get up, but the mountains are pushing you down. you have reached your physical limit. your inner being is yet again shouting out in prayer, you try and refuse these callings and block your ears. nothing but soft murmers, that's all you hear. your hands disobey your orders and lifts to the heavens as you stand there with your arms leaping to the God of all Gods. you are unanounced the most difficult person you know, but He who gave you life gave you another chance.

die Here weet.

verskoon my

vir wat ek se maar,

vir nog meer wat ek wens

vir nog meer wat ek wens.

en my woorde is min maar,

ek dink jy kry

die punt.

ek dink ons praat te veel

en se te min

want daar's iets in jou oe wat my rustig maak

en ek dink dit is tyd dat ek rustig raak

want daar's iets in jou oe wat my rustig maak

en die Here weet
ek dink dis tyd,
ek dink dis tyd.

want ek sal jou aan die anderkant van jou gedagtes kom uithaal
dis hier waar mens se dinge vergaan
aan die anderkant van jou gedagtes kom uithaal.

the fever, you are a fever.

 

As I find myself seeing more than just the things you do, but how you do it and how you react on certain things. When I see you or listen to you I pay attention to more than you. I pay attention to what exactly you’re saying, how you’re saying it and how you express it.

You have all my attention when you walk in or simply walk past a room. You make me want to write. Write about how someone grows on you, how they develop over the years, how they have a certain effect on people, how they make you want to sing and write songs for them, how they inspire you to make the best doodle pages you have ever made, how they start thinking that they like you more than just liking you, how they get you all loved up in a matter of time.

That’s what she does to me.

This girl, gets me thinking about more than just the possibility of making her happy, she gives me the opportunity to show her. She has shown me a few things. “Be patient with me” she pleads, but patients is not all I’ll give this girl.

Anyone can be pretty, but it takes a fuck load to fill another girls shoes. How do you overpower Queen Elizabeth? You don’t, you start from scratch and become her, more than her.

I run from prejudice, I run from pessimist, but I run to you.

You were confusing to me, but I think I’m getting use to this a lot faster than I though I ever would. My edge has become blunt and my senses are giving over to you. You make me exited, my pretty girl.

21 days :)

 

xx